In other words, double minus Un-Good

Everything is too heavy & too complicated. I have been reimagined as a puller hauling a bulky load across a frozen lake while the brainworks won't attach enough to be able give my cellphone number to the USPS agent. Rough weather earlier, losing power for 3 hours. But now I'm too heavy to move far (had a bad time getting home on my dusky stroll), to put together these sentences. I follow the words I'm tapping & am amazed I can spell anything... I AM hoping this is just the added influx of bad barometric pressure. If not, I will be left hopelessly undone...

(Art by Ray Caesar)

trapped in my rampaging disabilities

I feel so trapped in my rampaging disabilities, so confined by their inclusion, so isolated & seeking any light for a sense of escape. Even a suggestion of an exit would be appreciated in my everyday struggles, which tend to evaporate all promise from my wakefulness as I look towards a future in another place (less than 3 weeks away) & it seems entirely impossible.

(Photos by Arlette Chiara Sivizaca)

Two Weeks of Seizures...

At least 3 more erupting petite mal/temporal lobe seizures woke me up in the early daylight of today. Now I feel rested following 12 hours of slumber & am somewhat myself once more.

Slowly, I am coming back to me after last week's 6 days of petite mals, with a savage grand mal thrown into the mix, & now 2 days of little bads (petite mals)...

Come blow your mind with me, Chicken Little...

NEW Cross-Country Train Schedule

NEW Cross-Country Train Schedule: leaving Hammond, LA, on Friday, June 3rd, heading northeast to Chicago, where I switch from the City of New Orleans to the westerly bound Empire Builder, arriving in Portland on Monday, June 6th (D-Day!).

How’s that for a locomotive trip?

(Art from the USPS stamp series, ‘the Congressional’)

Go Fund Me

https://www.gofundme.com/ff1w6o

Even worse…

Even worse… How can that be?

Overtly nauseous now adding to being totally dizzy, actually vertigo with a biological urge to topple over. If I take a walk or even glance down to use the phone, reality is rewritten into utter chaos – rushing flow of disorientation & flashing lights. Overheating has become the norm – waves of stifling heat without perspiration – inside out. And there are the eyes. Left remains burning, with scratchy pains or shooting pains while some sting in the right, which is unusual. Then there’s the face, the aching body. Have I unknowingly been either in a traffic accident or been beaten up?

Each day this month all worsens, becomes a concentrated, insidious quagmire of agony and sinking deeper.

But no seizures, nor any hints of them – thank goodness.

This is how I feel, if you were wondering.

Going to Need Some Go Fund Me

Looks like my funding is getting short & I'll be setting up a Go Fund Me account. As it stands today: renting a moving truck with a local friend driving it cross country to Portland from the backwoods Louisiana. That is a major relief with all hired movers, even pods, being OVER $4000 just to get my stuff northwesterly. WILL keep you all abreast of links & such once it is established.

I kind of feel like an NPR station during a fund raising drive as I borrow, please, give. By the way, I am on disability, so am in major need of help. Thanks, all y'all/y’guys for reading this...

A Gaining Departure

Slowly, crises get resolved, panic attacks blind me only temporarily & leave my face feeling punched a number of times (aka, migraine assault), but that, too, is resolved with friends standing up to help or offer, & a nice nap. Slowly, this move to the west coast is happening. About a month from now I will be in full packing mode as I near my exodus by northerly-bound train. Slowly, I begins to make comparisons to this being like when an elderly relative is moved from their home (of 18 1/2 years) to a nursing home, but that's where the comparison ends as I know Portland will not be such venue, more a place to return to the world of the creative & unhinged, to explore, to reinvestigate such endeavors as playwriting & filmmaking... Slowly, I blink, knowing this will happen & I will be better for such a migration from where I am utterly at the whim of the whirling, twirling, twerking, diabolical weather…

(Art from USPS stamp)

When a Chance for Revenge is Upon Us...

But don't go too deep into that swamp. There are alligators in there, poisonous spiders, & things no one knows until they've got you. Be careful. & try, I know it's hard, not to be too vengeful. That is acidic & can splash back all over us...