Go Fund Me

https://www.gofundme.com/ff1w6o

Even worse…

Even worse… How can that be?

Overtly nauseous now adding to being totally dizzy, actually vertigo with a biological urge to topple over. If I take a walk or even glance down to use the phone, reality is rewritten into utter chaos – rushing flow of disorientation & flashing lights. Overheating has become the norm – waves of stifling heat without perspiration – inside out. And there are the eyes. Left remains burning, with scratchy pains or shooting pains while some sting in the right, which is unusual. Then there’s the face, the aching body. Have I unknowingly been either in a traffic accident or been beaten up?

Each day this month all worsens, becomes a concentrated, insidious quagmire of agony and sinking deeper.

But no seizures, nor any hints of them – thank goodness.

This is how I feel, if you were wondering.

Going to Need Some Go Fund Me

Looks like my funding is getting short & I'll be setting up a Go Fund Me account. As it stands today: renting a moving truck with a local friend driving it cross country to Portland from the backwoods Louisiana. That is a major relief with all hired movers, even pods, being OVER $4000 just to get my stuff northwesterly. WILL keep you all abreast of links & such once it is established.

I kind of feel like an NPR station during a fund raising drive as I borrow, please, give. By the way, I am on disability, so am in major need of help. Thanks, all y'all/y’guys for reading this...

A Gaining Departure

Slowly, crises get resolved, panic attacks blind me only temporarily & leave my face feeling punched a number of times (aka, migraine assault), but that, too, is resolved with friends standing up to help or offer, & a nice nap. Slowly, this move to the west coast is happening. About a month from now I will be in full packing mode as I near my exodus by northerly-bound train. Slowly, I begins to make comparisons to this being like when an elderly relative is moved from their home (of 18 1/2 years) to a nursing home, but that's where the comparison ends as I know Portland will not be such venue, more a place to return to the world of the creative & unhinged, to explore, to reinvestigate such endeavors as playwriting & filmmaking... Slowly, I blink, knowing this will happen & I will be better for such a migration from where I am utterly at the whim of the whirling, twirling, twerking, diabolical weather…

(Art from USPS stamp)

When a Chance for Revenge is Upon Us...

But don't go too deep into that swamp. There are alligators in there, poisonous spiders, & things no one knows until they've got you. Be careful. & try, I know it's hard, not to be too vengeful. That is acidic & can splash back all over us...

Childhood Reasoning remade Adult

One step at a time eventually gets us out the door.

When one is disabled or hurting, this is a colossal truth.
Silly as it sounds, it keeps hope alive & allows one to believe
there is more than symptoms, depression, or negativity active in one's soul.

Simplicity permits one to accept what we can do
and try to go further if we can/are feeling better in a certain day.

So take my hand, let us try to walk across this floor...

If we can't, we tried.

Bad Weather & Moving Snags

Kindred Spirits;

Feeling physically so bad with the massive storms & terrible barometrics, I can't focus on anything. What a storm full of hard rains, close lightning & thunder causing my little dog to pee the antique carpet... And WORSE is expected for the rest of this week. EEEEEEEGADSSSSSS!!!

New snag: my friend, who was going to pay for my stuff to be hauled cross country, can't find a company that doesn't cost thousands of dollars. Might have to throw all my works into a bonfire. Or barricade myself & buy a rifle until these woods take me.

Very frustrated, but feel too bad to explain.

Maybe I need to give up on it all & move into assisted living I considered in Mandeville (by the lake)... The name escapes this muddled brain. Or start a Go Fund Me account to get movers here & there. I really am very depressed. And LeNoira June (my elderly pup) is about to die, maybe a couple months. I just want to go with her... I'm slowly giving up...

Glad I cancelled my checkup today. It is a LOST day/night. Can't do anything of my routines. Back to bed soon. Dizzy, overwhelmed, eating rocks...

alas,
blurry boxcar

I'M BOOKED!

City of New Orleans Northeasterly to Chicago
& then, cross country on The Empire Builder.
I leave Hammond, LA, on May 21st, Saturday,
arriving Portland, OR, Tuesday Morning, the 24th.
Anyone want to meet me for my 5 hour layover
in Chicago???

This is my Yatra, spiritual journey/return, to the
West Coast -- but I will never really leave
Southern Louisiana with almost half my life lived here.

My little dog is coming by car from a service called Royal Paws.
Will get here a day or two after me.
Then my 55th Birthday is that Saturday!

Believing, Buckaroos!

(ART from USPS Stamp Collection)

Reports from Purgatory

We must have hope or we're lost. We learn to have when we can & try to accept when we can't - an essential dogma.

Hope & Believing are two words I try to tether my doubts to so as to get through the quagmires as is this week. Lots of overheating biology, lots of feeling roughed up, & dizziness aplenty, much confusion, besides the aches & compressions that twirl their illness about all migraineurs.

Whirling, I had a sleepless night after my Tuesday night by phone interview for a Migraine & Creativity study in Australia, & in those gorges of overheating, I had two new symptoms. My body felt a couple minutes long session of ripples that included all of me. Another bout happened around an hour later. What I now think is that, due to my sleeplessness, I was aware when the devious Grand Mal seizures came to pounce & roll me into oblivion by their electric short circuiting, thus, it was a good thing that I was awake - I had control of my mind enough to stop such chaos from hatching.

Today is a wreck. Not only constant overheating but also exhaustion. Even with over 12 hours sleep I had a time rising. I don't know what is going on but it isn't fun. Now my sleep patterns are again cut in two. I prefer & do better with just one massive sleep. I also had to cancel another eye appointment due to feeling very roughed up by symptoms.

Just wanted to keep y'all in the loop. Have been off Facebook, too, since last weekend, trying to unscramble my brainwork. At least that has allowed me to play a little in new writing on the novel. At least... & I'll that that, sprinkle some Hope over it dip in in some Believing to make this wondrous life.