This is such a farce
The universe has split, come undone, fragmenting into smaller bit until all that is solid has been remade liquid by exhaustion...
It has been a Grizzly Bear of a week. Got nothing done besides the essentials in each day (write-draw-walk-meditate-read). I've been trying to get to the store since the 23rd of May & still can't. Instead, I go to the little grocery north of me in The Village (of Folsom) proper or south to Walgreen's, where the lines are less & the hours are longer. And those are brief sprints before fatigue man-handles me. Sped-up on Coke or Red Bull, I can only go for short durations before my anatomy collapses & I can't all over again...
Just a terrible week. Thursday wasn't as bad & I thought it was over, but tonight/day brought me back to my ineptness, reminding me of the quagmire of Tuesday. At least it wasn't all the way back to the dread & insecurity of Wednesday's fight.
And this w/o any storms corroding the sky. But the temperature is hot, the humidity is scratching at 100%, & even the lightning bugs (fireflies) have left entirely...
Hopeless is a shroud I wear, tilting its hood low across my face until only my lips & goatee/jazz spot are visible. I try for certainty, attempt to envision a future with some promise BUT its lousy ceiling was poorly constructed with inadequate timbers, falling down on my 'ead.
What am I doing here? Lonesome me, who wants so much to roam barefoot in imagination, to go shirtless in my inventiveness... I cry out to the star systems looking down upon my dramas, wanting help that won't come...
Now it is 5 AM. My little dog will want her breakfast... when I haven't even ate my dinner. I got up at 7 PM, having to collapse into a nap from 12:40 AM 'til 3. Fragmented. Dawn will be pressing out the creases for another day soon... Soon I will feel my couple hours of joy, of being actually awake, then back to trying to sleep, attempting to wake up for hours on end.
This is such a farce.
(Art © 2011 by j. m. Scoville)
Labels: Bad Barometrics, Chronic Illness, Migraine
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